Diary Entry- 10 years later

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Diary Entry — 10 Years Later

It’s been ten years since I was 17 — a decade since the darkness touched my life in ways I never thought possible. The pain he left wasn’t just on my skin, marked by crescent moons and bruises, some deep enough to bleed; it settled deep inside me, in places unseen and often unspoken.

Long sleeves and hoodies to hide the damage he once thrust upon me. Even in the heat of the dead of summer. To forget about it in hopes it never truly happened.

He hurt me in front of others, turning moments that should have been safe into nightmares. The game he called “fire truck” wasn’t a game at all — “you can’t say stop. Fire trucks don’t stop at red lights”: it was a theft of my voice, my trust, my sense of self. My clothes torn, my spirit shattered, held down by someone I once trusted… someone I once loved.

When he had his car accident- he blamed me for a life lost, the weight of guilt threatened to bury me. My mother asked that I show to his ‘get well soon’ party as support. I wish I hadn’t. Surrounded by his friends as I cowered on the hood of a car, he hit me. And they hollered with joy.

Even now, ten years later, if I see him, a wave of anxiety and nervousness rushes over me. The past is never far away, and some wounds take longer to heal than others.

Emotionally, physically, and mentally wrecked once. Now just mentally.

But here I am, still breathing, still standing. Ten years of healing, of silence broken and strength rebuilt. The scars remain — some visible, many hidden — but they do not define me. They are part of my story, yes, but not the whole story.

I am more than the pain. More than the fear. More than the blame.

I am resilience. I am survival. I am hope.

And ten years on, I am still here.

To anyone reading this who is hurting — who feels trapped by their past, silenced by shame, or lost in fear — know this:

You are not alone. Your pain is real, your story matters, and healing is possible. Take your time. Be gentle with yourself. And when you’re ready, rise.

Because you are stronger than you know.

Speak your truth, and never allow yourself to be silenced.

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